From Summer to Christmas

When we went to Alaska this summer I knew I would be having weight loss surgery the week after we came back. I made a vow to take as many photos and not give a crap what they looked like because it was the last time I would look like that.

As I’m going through photos to get developed at low Christmas prices, I find myself having a hard time even looking at the photos of myself let alone wanting to get them printed.

I knew I was having weight loss surgery after we went to Alaska. I just didn’t realize how much different I would end up looking.

I’m pretty sure we need to go back to Alaska and retake all the pictures.

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Happy Bariatric Thanksgiving!!

Three days from today is the big day, Thanksgiving. It’s my first major holiday since my surgery and I don’t know what happened but I suddenly felt depression creep in.

How stupid to mourn not being able to be a glutinous fool for a day. I keep thinking about all the Thanksgivings in the past and how I would eat, sleep, poop, repeat. If I got stoned first it was even better because food tastes sooooo much better when you’re loaded.

I have lost 55 pounds. I have had my nutrition labs done and everything looks amazing, my surgeon and doctor were both very happy with my success at 90 days out. I’ve gone from a size 14/16 pants to a 10/12. A size 2X shirt to a Large. My body looks pretty amazing I must say. I have lost so many inches in places I’d never consider “skinny” before and it’s only been 3 months!!!

And yet I’m crying over not being able to eat myself sick one day of the year with everyone else ?

Just let me grieve a little okay? I’m going to stick to my eating limits for sure, but let me be sad while I serve myself a teaspoon of each item I like the most all the while cutting out the Hawaiian rolls on the side. It will probably take me most of the day to eat what I serve myself but I’m going to enjoy every crumb, even if that’s all it is. Crumbs.

😞

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Think of me while you eat yourself sick and you lay around in sweatpants, smothering in your own fat.

That was my favorite ☺️

Allo!!!

Things have been happening like crazy and today I realized as exhausting all this food nonsense is, tracking and deciding and figuring all this shit out, it’s ONLY been 8 weeks since I had surgery. 😭 It feels like forever ago!!!

I seriously hate obsessing about food like, all the time. I hate it bad. I have to figure out what to eat, how much to eat, what’s safe to eat and when should I eat. I can’t drink much water so I’m not concerned I’m eating too much but every two hours and I’m hungry and that makes me feel like a fat kid. What’s crazier, all the focus on food and I’m losing weight at quite the rapid rate. I think I’m at 50 pounds already.

My skin is getting wobbly and as much as I don’t want that, I also have no desire to do anything about it either. Like, I’d rather just be thin and not fit right now.

Am I depressed?

Possibly. It isn’t even only about the whole food obsession I have to have, my church is a disaster right now and going through yet another freaking transition. My son got his learners permit and I realize every time I let him drive me around that I’m contributing to his moving further and further away from the nest. His shotgun tournament season is starting up again in November, we haven’t been home for a weekend in weeks, and it’s still to warm to shut the pool down but I don’t want to swim in it either, mostly because there’s no time!!

Life is changing so rapidly, just like my deflating boobs, and I need to just accept it. Part of me thinks I should start doing cakes again. Having all this down time might not be healthy for me mentally. I don’t know what the heck I’m doing anymore.

Whatever. Gods in control regardless of what I think.

Anyway, here’s my “face to Face Friday” post. People often ask me if I took a ton of before surgery photos (I didn’t) but the way I see it, I have a lifetime of fat pics, why would I take a zillion of them weeks before surgery? Lame. These are from a wedding I was in five years ago. See, still fat.

Shalom.

Is this what I look like now?

Goodness what a weeks it’s been. Homecoming is tonight and we’ve been in float mode and trying to keep up with life’s demands.

Yesterday my notary badge came in and I had taken a new photo for it. I remembered I’d had my original photo from when I took my picture in June at the notary class so I got the two out and put them side by side.

How crazy is that. The one on the left looks like she ate the one on the right.

I still can’t believe I have eyes

Twelve

Dear Diary,

Today I took my mother out to lunch for her birthday. Her wish was for crab legs at the local Red Lobster so I figured I could have some salmon and mashed something or another. I did. I did and it was delicious all ten bites I took of it.

Afterward we went to Kohl’s so she could spend her birthday gift cards and the most amazing thing happened. Yes I found a great pair of sunglasses for $6 but I also fit into a size 12 comfortably.

I almost cried.

Instead I yelled “I FIT INTO A TWELVE” as loud as I could without caring, it was fabulous. I don’t remember the last time I wore a 12.

Ok now I’m crying.

The end is nigh

My surgeon got wide to the fact that this weekend is Labor Day and cancelled our appointment for Saturday. When they called to reschedule my appointment I said it had to be on a Saturday and I’m NOT driving to Los Angeles again. That pushed the appointment out 2 weeks so I asked if that means my progression to phase 2 puréed foods is going to be delayed? Well, the woman told me to stick to the guidelines the nutritionist gave me which I was relieved to hear.

That means, tomorrow will be 30 days since surgery and I can begin a new chapter in this story, and I am scared to death.

Son of a beach

For we far back as I can remember my mom took us to the beach LOADED with snacks and food to enjoy. We would get there early and stay late and eat and swim and get fried by the sun.

Well, fast forward 45 years and three weeks post gastric sleeve still on liquid diet and we’re on our way to Laguna Beach with fried chicken, snacks galore, Coke’s and you name it and here’s my loot for the day.

I ain’t even mad….

Ok maybe a little. It’s just different!!! Another mountain to climb over, I can do this!!!