I am not even going to run around what I want to say this time, mostly because I don’t have time to but really because it’s been taking me days to figure out how to go about writing a huge novel and then getting to the point. It’s almost as if I need to just say it as it’s laying on my fingertips.
The short of it is this..
I had mentioned we had been flopping around churches like fish out of water. There were people I am realizing( and when I say realizing I mean people who I notice avoid us like the plague when they see us walking in their direction) weren’t too keen on flopping fish. To them I say this.
When the church brings in new people off the street and we know they are people who have either never been in church or they are people who have been absent from church for many many years, I would like to think that we approach them with that understanding in the back of our minds. We understand that they are naive or unaccustomed to how it goes and sometimes the Holy Spirit moves in ways we seasoned believers are even thrown off guard by and we often aren’t even sure how to react to all that. We try to be gracious toward their naivety and we have a more graceful understanding of why they might walk out during communion or run passed that more spirit filled brother because its a little uncomfortable or they just aren’t sure how to react to it, right?
Well, I feel like in the defense of my fish flopping ways I need you to understand something. We arrived into totally unfamiliar territory when we walked into the doors of your building and were simply spoken to by people every Sunday. We didn’t know what was happening when people remembered our names, sat down and got to know us, invited us to their houses for meals, more specifically when the pastor invited us to his house!! Our heads were spinning! Not that it was some sort of celebrity activity or whatever but when you are in a community of 700 for 20 years and you know no one on a personal level, being asked to give a testimony the first few months of being in another smaller one or being asked to serve in some way is pretty blow your mind, what is wrong with these people crazy.
If you cant understand what that might have been like for us, take a look at what happened when the comfort of all of that finally settled in and then got flipped upside down and the threat of change happened. Or how about relate it to a situation where an ignored dog that is chained to a tree in the backyard with no social interaction gets released from the chain and adopted into a loving family that cant help but be excited to have him as a member of their family. How utterly confusing for that animal right?
If you cant even consider this scenario long enough to perhaps pull the camaraderie stick out of your “grace alone” butt, then really there isn’t anything else I can say without coming off as ridiculous as you do when you high tail it in the opposite direction as me every chance you get. Clearly my feelings are flustered(read: I’m pissed) as much as I like to put up a front that I don’t care what people think of me. I guess that is something I didn’t realize the Lord was also changing in me during the few months we were away. I am bothered. I know I need to just approach it head on, I just haven’t figured out how to do it without wanting to choke you out first, so I figured I would reach out this way because I have quite a way with words and I know you read them.
SO with all that I will just say this last thing…
Stop being stupid. It’s really taking a toll on the person I thought you were, and deep down inside still think you are but you are too caught up being a stubborn jackass, so just stop. You preach grace but don’t give us any? That’s stupid. We were that dog, by the tree for so long man. We didn’t know how to react to socialization among other believers, try to understand that. If you just can not. I guess I was mistaken about you all along.
Or I just need to choke you out.