I stopped admiring “karma” and the idea of it a long time ago, and it was mostly because it usually meant something like, “OH, I cant WAIT to see that bitch go down” kind of thing was happening in my heart and I just don’t have those feelings toward ANYONE anymore. It’s actually kind of amazing and only a Holy Spirit thing because you can ask anyone who has known me longer than the last 3 years, I was just a mean mean mean woman and had a very vindictive spirit about me. I would make horrible choices and then hope to see the other person burn for them, it was bad. So in having let the Lord begin this healing process in me, one major thorn in the side of my life has been my in-laws and their horrible contempt for me.
I have been marked with the biggest, slimy green “S” indicating I am thee single most evil Step Mother a child could ever be cursed with. I have somehow managed to remain married to my first and only husband of 13 years in spite of us having a blended family (his, mine and ours) and his manipulative little daughter doing everything in her power since the day that I met her, to destroy it. I could probably write and produce the most amazing mini series, horror movie, teen movie, murder mystery all with the events that have been my life for the past 14 years. Of course, God being greater than any blockbuster screenplay, He is writing a story of redemption like one I would have NEVER thought I’d expect to see in this lifetime or any other for that matter.
When she had burned all her bridges in California she had to move to Colorado. I was jumping with joy to see her go and as much as I could have hoped she would go and ruin their lives so they would FINALLY believe that I’m not the problem after all. I really more than anything wanted for her to go out there, start over, pull her head out of her ass and quit being an idiot and PROVE ME WRONG!! Prove me wrong! Show them that I am completely nuts and you are a perfect angel, PLEASE!! And after this last Christmas when she got bold enough to “text” all these awful things she really felt about me and then chewed out her grandfather telling him just who SHE thought he was and ripped him for not being who he should be, it was then I realized I didn’t need to vindicate myself to these people. Because of my obedience in stepping back, changing my heart toward her and throwing up my hands with it all, The Lord would, to ALL of our shock and surprise, begin to pave the road of destruction for this little girl to slip up on and it would have nothing to do with me and all be about her.
I should never assume that my problems are bigger than God and what He has the capability to do with them. I should never assume that He couldn’t possibly take me through such a horrible decade and turn it into good and glory to His majestic name, because he has. Yesterday I received a message from an “in law” begging for me to accept their apology. They were “so wrong about you” and they had “wished they wouldn’t have listened to her and the things she told them” about me. I mean it went on and on and at first, and even a little bit now I’m STILL wondering if this is some kind of sick joke. I even made my husband call this person and confirm she wasn’t full of crap or messing with me. My first reaction though, was more of a concern. “What did that kid do this time“?? But it wasn’t any just one thing.. The veils are being removed and these people, in less than 3 months, are seeing the person I have had to deal with for the past 13 years and they are asking me “how did you not go crazy”? ? I was SO wrong. I am so sorry!! hmmmm
I wont lie. There is this tiny little monster in the pit of my being that is doing the “told ya so” dance and gloating in a sinful pool of it’s own pride. It’s rather hilarious. But instead of doing the dance and making a fool of myself and being vindictive and cruel, I find myself feeling humbled. I see myself bowing in reverence, as if to surrender. I don’t know why either. I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t need to be the one begging for forgiveness and yet here are these people who have treated me so terribly for so long, repenting for their actions and I’M the one bowing? Oh Lord.. the person you are molding me into is just so far away from the person I once was. I trip out on myself at these times and in between tripping out, I pinch myself. I honestly cant believe that this isn’t a dream sometimes. Regardless of this huge hurtle I’ve just unexpectedly jumped over, I wish more than anything that stupid kid would just stop being stupid already. I didn’t justify or throw any fuel their way to ask what was going on or why they came to such a conclusion, because I already know. I know without knowing because I lived it.
The faithfulness of the Lord is absolutely amazing. There is just no other way for any of this to make sense.