I made a decision along with my family, to take a break during the month of July and not do any cake orders. I already work outside of the house and although it’s not technically “full time” anymore, being out from 8-3 is long enough especially during these summer months. To be away from my son and him notice me coming home and still being away from him as I’m consumed in working on something for someone else has been weighing on me and I needed to change that at least during the summertime.

I notice that is a terrible trait in our family line, to be so open and receptive to the needs of others while shamefully I admit, neglecting the needs of the ones closest to us. I wont call anyone out but it’s certainly a learned behavior in addition to others I have had to openly confess during this hiatus. Laying down things that are distracting sure does give a lot more room for the mind and spirit to tug at you about other things. Recognizing and confessing them are HUGE for me and probably for anyone really. No one wants to admit they are selfish or wrong and doing so and then confessing to whomever you are mistreating with your ways are hard enough to do and I am glad that I have finally come to a stage in life where I can be receptive to the things I have been caught up in. It’s the true repentance for those things and moving forward in daily repentance and NOT continuing in them that is difficult. One day at a time, right?

Too much extra time to be able to think and reflect can sometimes cause more damage than good. Not always, but sometimes. I realize I am having more time to “notice” things that happen around me that I think are absolutely… ugh  Things I don’t want to acknowledge, deal with OR confront but now that I am aware of them it’s almost like I have to or I will get bitter and jaded. It’s very easy to run back into my work so that I don’t need to deal with these things and I did that for 18 years working in grocery and just taking the hits(no pun intended but it’s pretty punny as smoking grass was my go to) and never dealing with anything. I don’t want to be that person anymore though. I don’t want to be afraid to stick up for myself or speak up if it needs to be done, no matter who might not appreciate it. It’s really a crazy time of reflection right now and I hope that I take heed, wait on the Lord and react the way in which He would have me best represent Him. Even though I secretly know I will fluck it all up and have to do damage control afterward because, that’s what I do. 

 

blehhh

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