Here I am

It would seem like I fell off the face of the earth after my December 1st post and I guess in a very small way I did. I completely stepped back from doing any cake orders for the entire month, something that was terribly difficult for me to do. I love coming up with fantastic and creative Christmas goodies for people and having to tell them no was awful. But because we were leaving ON Christmas night for the east coast for what would turn out to be the most fabulous 18 day vacation with my husband and son, there was simply no way without me stressing out and putting my family off, to get all creative before we left. And so I chose my family over my hobby(and some extra cash) and I am glad I did.

While we were gone there was a moment I caught myself in the middle of a conversation with some young lovely friends I had met on my old blog and maintained online friendships with over the years, and we got on the subject of welfare and unemployment and somehow the story about the time when the husband lost his job had come up. Listening to him tell them about how we first were devastated and then finally just surrendered ourselves to trusting in the Lord to provide, of course after having been denied any public assistance which, now that I type this I recall that is how the conversation began.  Anyway, so I am listening to him tell these young people about it and sort of telling our testimony and the thought occurs to me “man we have been so blessed since then. we haven’t had much of any hardships or major negative life events happen to us since that happened”  and almost immediately after the thought crossed my mind I KNEW I should have never mentally gone there.

I know that when you take a vacation from life, it still goes on without you. And when you get home there is usually a lot of catching up to do and if you take an almost 3 week vacation seconds after Christmas dinner is cleaned up, walking into the house exactly how you had left it that night, still completely decorated and lit up is overwhelming all by itself. Yes, it still looks beautiful but you KNOW you have to find the energy somehow to want to put it all away. Then there are the issues that have been just waiting on the sidelines for you to deal with the second you walked in the door. So between the sorting of the mail, the new server and system at work I needed to learn, making sure my son wasn’t “truant” for missing a week of school because we were in DC learning more in a week there than he will ever learn with Common Core, all the personal life issues that had either happened while we were gone or never changed since we had left keep bringing me back to the thought I had at that hip Cajun bistro in Pennsylvania and how I KNEW, I just KNEW that thought was going to bite me in the ass when I got home.

“man we have been so blessed since then. we haven’t had much of any hardships or major negative life events happen to us since that happened”

And there is the Lord on the sidelines… “Here I am”. Waiting for me to have learned from the last blast we had and not try to figure this out on my own and go directly for Him. Oh, that I would be wise this time and let Him carry this for us. This has been the longest week of my life and the new year is proving to be the battle of our lives and it’s only 2 weeks in. Oh, that we would rely on you Lord. My head hurts.


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