We got confirmation on Friday that there was a peanut with a heartbeat and last night at dinner someone that I don’t even talk to came up to me and let me know they “heard you’re going to be grandparents”. My first thought was so punch her in the throat, and while I know that is not the “Christian way” to respond to things, the look on this persons face was so cheeky and sly I just didn’t know how to even take it and I was immediately offended. I always assume the worst in people and their intentions and I suppose I shouldn’t. But imagining that they were approaching me with malice toward either us or the daughter, it put me immediately on the defensive….
I mentioned to my mother during a second meltdown this weekend, that I couldn’t even imagine how SHE must have felt when people began to find out that her 17 year old daughter was pregnant. I remember how horrible I felt sitting in church being that 17 year old pregnant girl, but seeing some of the reaction from people and OUR daughter is 22, I feel really bad that I had put my mother through that.
So we’re coping.
Neither of us have a clear head and when he caught me in the baby section at Walmart on Saturday bawling while looking at the little baby clothes, he says to me ” I know exactly how you are feeling right now” and then I continued to cry for the both of us. We’re tripping out. I am tripping out that every ounce of bitterness and hurt I’ve ever felt for this child was like exorcised out of my body the moment she told us she was pregnant and HE is tripping out because he cant seem to wrap his head around my new found urgency of wanting this girl and the baby to move into our home. But in the midst of our confusion we both know and have perfect peace in the fact that if we need to do this for the sake of the baby we will. It wont make much sense to anyone who doesn’t know the whole back story, and that is okay because I have no intentions of rehashing all of that again. We know what we are feeling led to do and we are scared to death…but it has to be done… Unless God decides otherwise. And we are open to prayers for discernment and wisdom.