And on the eighth day she found out the masses showed no sign of malignancy. She was glad.

It then raises the question of, “well then what the hell are they and why do I feel like garbage like, all the time”? I don’t know if I even want to find out to be honest. It feels like more of a hassle than it’s worth. I mean, perhaps I’m just getting old and the abuse  my body has taken over the years I am now feeling the effects of. That isn’t a completely implausible conclusion I don’t think. I mean good grief, I was athletic as a young girl, a gymnast as a young teenager, got pregnant at 17 and worked in a grocery store the next 18 years walking on concrete floors, doing heavy lifting, repetitive motions and enduring severe mental abuse. Not to mention partying, drinking, using drugs, abusing prescription medication, having meaningless promiscuous relationships I mean, I have chosen a hard road for myself over the years completely care free. And for the first time in my life, 40 years later I choose to make changes and take care of this temple I have beaten down.

Sometimes you have to tear down walls and get rid of all the asbestos, mold, and bad wiring on a building in order to rebuild it safely and correctly, I should know this I work in the construction industry. I can’t see why, in all reality, the human body would be any less complicated when it was truly created to be cherished. I would even go so far as to compare this to all sin in general. We are so arrogant in our thinking when it comes to living however we want to and assuming that because we are forgiven for our past sin when we come to acceptance and repentance through Christ, we think we will never have any repercussions from our past. NOT to suggest God punishes us for our sins, clearly His Word says over and over that because of Jesus our sins are forgotten as far as the east is to the west. But I think that poor decisions will eventually have some sort of result in the long run, that even though we have been covered by the blood of Christ, that doesn’t cover us from accountability. We cant just say we are a Christian and then live however we want and then expect NOTHING to become of us living a lie. At least I cant find any reason to believe we can.

God is merciful and God is love. God is also not someone to play for a fool and think you can have a get out of jail free card whenever you decide to do something stupid.  My stupid mistakes could perhaps, be the result of my pain and ailments today, that is not inconceivable. I just know that I have a responsibility to care for and cherish my body to honor the one who created it for His glory, something that I never did in the past. I may now have to work harder at it, because had I taken care of myself to begin with I wouldn’t be in this situation now, but no one was ever promised life was going to be easy. It just is what it is I guess. I can ask God to provide me the strength and motivation to continue this race and to continue to get through the aches and pains and struggle and have faith that He will provide what He feels is best. Who knows? He may one day decide to just rid me of ALL of this ridiculousness and allow me to live happily until the ever after. Bottom line is, it’s all in HIS hands and not mine anymore and I will strive to live a life pleasing to Him and not the world. And I know that there will be one day that I will walk directly in His presence free from any regret, pain, misery, depression and need for any medication, because He promises complete healing and restoration in Heaven. That is something worth pressing on for.

Too bad I didn’t choose this earlier, eh?


5 thoughts on “Eight

  1. The good news is….you don’t have signs of cancer problems. The better news is that you have a chance for a do-over and trying to make the best you can out of the rest of your life. Perhaps all the stress you have been under for so many years is just showing itself through your current issues. I’m happy for the good and the better news for you.

  2. I am so relieved the results were non-malignant. I hope the cyst can be taken care of easily and painlessly and you will feel good and energetic again.

    I didn’t know you were a gymnast. I can totally see it, though.

    • Yeah I’m quite the solid meatball of a woman. I always laugh and say “I am London Broil” haha I’m hoping for some blood work and such but I am pretty positive the doctor wont ask ME to follow up with it, and that’s fine. I do real well being my own advocate.

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