My sweet daughter posted an agglomeration of photos she probably stole off my facebook album of times past of me and my husband for a happy anniversary post this morning. Of course all I can see in the midst of a dark time I’m working through is all the pain in my eyes at the different times the photos were taken.
Some of the photos were from the most amazing of celebrations we have had and even then I’m reminded of the mental torment I was in. Long story short I took screen shots of my face in the photos and blended them together to make this photo.
I chose from the darkest of times I had ever captured on film to a quite happy time sitting at Angels Stadium eating ballpark food unapologetically and blended a piece of each one to signify the many “faces” of Shann.
Truth be told I have come a long way from the self destructive self medicated girl I was once upon a time. I hate the burden I carry of past regrets when realt I shouldn’t even consider them anymore. I look forward to using this first day of our 14th year as a starting place in the road to restoration in our marriage. The first 13 years of our marriage were garbage. Garbage in and garbage out, and while everyone is to blame for all the garbage that has accumulated only he and I remain to pick up the pieces, take out all the extra corners no one knows how they even got there, and put things back together as they should have been from the get go.
We can do it. It will be hard. There will be humiliation, mostly on my part because I swear my husband is one oblivious man. And while I think that bothers me more than anything, I also believe a good portion of the fight is within myself with my mind and things only The Lord can deliver me from. So the less I have to involve James the better 😜
Should be an interesting time. I hope I can come back in 7 years with a new photo blended with sobriety, laughter and smiles and Zero regret. That is my goal.