I mentioned not too long ago that the seventh year of something in my life has always ended up being the beginning or the end of something significant. On May 15th, 1990 at the age of 16 I began what would end up being an 18 year career with a local grocery store. Today, May 15th 2015 would have been the 25th year I worked at that job had I not been given an opportunity to walk away seven years ago. I laughed when I realized it was seven years ago that my life began the most amazing transformation I never expected to ever be able to experience. I hate that I still have nightmares about that job and that I have the worst anxiety and sickness when I have to actually go into different stores in our area. I really hate that there are people I still see that I want to grab by the hair and smash their faces into my knees, hey I’m not perfect you know.
I would have thought that being away from there for so long I wouldn’t still be so affected negatively by it anymore, and in many ways I am SO much better and that really weighs out the bad. The nightmares though, and nightmares have always been something I have struggled with even as a child, they are so ridiculous and I always know when I am having them, and I am totally asleep, I know in my mind that it’s just a dream. Even in the dream sequence someone will ask me “Well, what are you doing back here working, what happened with your cushy office job” and I’m like, I have NO idea! I was just there yesterday, I have no idea why I am here now but I am going to do what I have to do and not trip about it until I wake up. Reoccurring dreams, reoccurring conversations with co workers, and reoccurring relief when I finally DO wake up and realize I really was just having a nightmare.
On the plus side though. SO many things. So many things seven years later I can be thankful for.
Seven years later I am three years into my sobriety, praise God!
Seven years later I am more in love with my husband than I was when I left that job, praise God.
Seven years later I have a reconciled relationship with my Stepdaughter that neither I nor anyone else I knew at the stores would have EVER thought would ever happen, praise God!
Seven years later I am healthier both physically and more importantly mentally than I ever have been in my entire life, praise God!
Seven years later I am in a true, solid, fully committed relationship with Jesus Christ, that I can confess with my head held high, with my hands out of my pockets, with the lights on, with the closets open, with my phone not being hidden, with my email being left logged on, with old connections removed and old ties severed. I am free from addictions, I have no desire to return to self medication and self destruction, my eyes are straight ahead, my thoughts are far more pure than they have EVER been. I have nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of and no one to credit but Christ for His grace being revealed to me in a way I never knew before. that changed my heart forever. Oh, and the people who prayed for me constantly of course, praise God!
Seven years later and I am blessed with people who have stuck with me through everything and with people who have gotten to know me just recently yet accept me for everything that I was and everything that I am and still desire to be in Christ.
Seven years later is a good time for me, and for that I am thankful.