Pretty in Paisley

I was going through photo albums this morning and came across some from when I was in the 9th grade all dolled up in my best paisley printed dress, so ” Molly Ringwald Pretty in Pink ” of me, going to the Valentine’s Day dance. I hardy remember it to be honest but I do remember getting all dressed up for it and taking pictures with my dad, two things that were very rare in my upbringing.

I have had horrible issues with my body and as I’m getting older and things are drooping and changing, it really is something I need to accept is just part of life, this aging process. I’ve almost always had issues with my weight well, I personally haven’t always had issues but everyone else has had issues with my weight and they have always felt like they have needed to make very clear to me what their issues are.  When I saw these photos I became SO enraged by them and the fact that people have been in my life that have felt some sense of responsibility to keep me informed about their feelings about my size and shape.

The only explanation is that as sinners rotten to the core, we don’t know any better. And the only way we can overcome our being such assholes is through Christ and the Holy Spirit changing our hearts, that fact alone should be what it takes for me to stop letting the actions, words and opinions of others determine how I live the next 40 or so years of my life. God knows there isn’t anything I can do about the last 42 of shame and hurt I’ve carried along with me because I let the opinions of others determine my choices in life. I regret that I allowed these people such control they didn’t deserve, but there isn’t anything I can do about it at this point. It really puts things into perspective too, it’s crazy. And really, I can only ask the Lord to heal me from my past hurts and make photo collages like this….

and laugh….

That young girl wasn’t even fat she was amazing. If all you could see about her was her size that was unacceptable to you then you were the problem. I guess I just wish she understood this back then instead of now.


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