Over the weekend my friend died from complications of chemotherapy treatments at the age of 42. She was less than 2 months younger than I am and my heart is absolutely broken. I’ve been so busy over the weekend that I didn’t have a whole lot of time to process her passing even though it seems like I’ve been expecting it for a couple years, what should there really be to process. I made the selfish mistake of breaking the news to my son BEFORE SCHOOL and I felt like I saw his heart shift from his chest to the ground as he gasped, his beautiful green eyes grew larger and his cheeks flushed. I hate myself for doing that to him, I think I wanted someone to cry with this morning as terrible as that sounds, and we did we cried a lot. I apologized for having been such a jerk and telling him this morning before school and he agreed it was a jerk move and accepted my apology.
What was so amazing to me was his immediate thoughts about her young daughter and young adult sons she left behind. My sons first words were, “so we’re going to go adopt her daughter now right”? Even before the sorrow hit him after the shock he and I were discussing how we could fit the boys into our house should they ever take us up on our offer to escape Vegas and come here. I admire my sons beautiful heart for people, he is truly so considerate of others which, I don’t know why is surprises me I think his dad and I are both pretty selfless and desire to be examples of that to him and he’s a really good boy. I think it’s more because I was so selfish when I was his age as is any typical 13 year old, they think the world revolves around them. It will be interesting to see how he feels after the business of school has kept his mind off Patty and the kids and will he continue to want to pursue the plans for the kids future, not that they would ever just come running to our house or anything.
It’s a difficult thing death, and we’ve been very fortunate in our family to experience little of it. Now we anticipate funeral services and a road trip back to Vegas that will more than likely come during my facebook fast and I’m hoping someone will reach outside of stupid facebook to let me know the plans for it, god I hate facebook sometimes. Communication outside of it is just obsolete and it pisses me off when I am not on it during the Lenten season because I seriously MISS so much it’s stupid. It was also the main way I communicated with my friend and I’ve picked up my phone several times to text her only to remember she isn’t there. I’m going to not tell my son about that part though, he’s been told enough I’m sure.