During this lenten season I’ve been kind of disconnected from everyone not being on facebook and I’m learning just as I do every year, that life will certainly go on without you if you are not put into the center of it with those you care about.
My social life is pretty non existent on a “social” level. I hang out with my husband and my son. My weekdays are pretty predictable too. If I am not at work I am at home. We have bible study one day, we go to shooting another and the rest of the work week we are home. I get off work, make dinner, do a few chores and if I have cake orders I work on them then go to bed pretty early and wake up early and do it all over again. On the weekends my cake orders usually go out on Saturdays and I’m completely exhausted but there is always something going on and I am always doing that with my husband and my son. I’m not complaining I love doing things with them very much and we always have a nice time. Sundays we go to church, sometimes to brunch after and then we’re home. We watch The Walking Dead on Sunday nights and then start the week over again.
It should not bother me that people I know are busy doing life with each other. I don’t know why it does sometimes though and right now is one of those times. We know some people who we have known for as long as I can remember, and they are having a party that I am making the cake for. Now, I know that I have said “just because I’m making the cake it doesn’t mean you have to invite me to the party” but these are people who we love and cherish very much and the idea that we’re not being extended an invitation is killing me inside. It seems petty on the surface I’m sure and most of the time something like this wouldn’t even hurt me I’d more than likely be talking crap and carrying on but this one really hurts.
I brought up to someone that when you really care about people you make sure, you make an unconscious effort, it naturally becomes a thought to extend an invitation to them to make sure they are with you… at an event, at a party, for something social. You invite the people you want around and when you don’t, it is clearly an indicator that you just don’t want them around. It’s not an insult really it’s more of just a matter of fact. The only time it becomes insulting is when the people noticing they aren’t invited come to the realization that the people they thought they were an important part of their lives actually aren’t as important as they thought they were.
I’m not one to sit here and cry about it for weeks and I TOLD my psychiatrist the other day that I am probably going to have a meltdown soon and then I will carry on, and I am. I wont sit here and dwell on the fact that I thought I mattered to people that matter to me, I will simply absorb the truth and move on. There will be a sting i’m sure every once in a while, when I see them doing something else again without me, but I will come to the realization that it’s just a matter of fact, this is how it is.
I am learning at this time who matters to me and how important my husband and my son are to me not am learning not to care too much about how much I don’t matter to people. I am also learning how important I am to God and how important HE should be to me in my life and the life of my little family.It isn’t an easy lesson to learn. It’s much easier to desire the company of other people than to rest in the company that you already have.