And this was the moment it all came to light..
If someone would have told me that Louis CK could be the human that brought my self loathing to a screeching halt I would have never believed them.
Even before watching this episode of Louie I heard him do a bit about being 40 and going to the doctor and they aren’t even remotely interested in helping cure your ailments. When you’re in your 20’s doctors go above and beyond trying to find a way to treat whatever is going on. But when you are in your 40’s they basically just attribute your aches, pains and overall feeling like garbage to the fact that you’re old and dying.
I’ve been saying that for years now “I’m just dying” and it started when at 41 I began to suddenly FEEL my age, my age being “halfway to death”. I mean, its true, I probably have about 40 more years here maybe, and it’s fine with me. I’m not afraid to die and have already explained to my kids that when I do just know that I am in the most perfect place with the most perfect God and they should live on in complete peace that I’ll see them when they get there too. Death is quite the beautiful thing except for the part that it means my body is deteriorating at a more rapid pace until I get a new one.
So what can I do to stop feeling so bad about myself? So bad about my looks and the changes that my body is making that I dont want to obsessively spend every day working at trying and unsuccessfully reverse until I’m 50 or 60 and just give up? I think I need to stop “following” the lead of people younger and healthier, more fit and more genetically perfect than me for starters.
The horrible mind game of mentally comparing myself to women 20 years younger than me is absolutely absurd! I don’t know WHY my thoughts even go there because it’s completely pointless. I’m not 20! I’m not going to look 20 regardless of how hard I try and more importantly why am I trying to? Even in my thoughts why am I tormenting myself wishing to look like that younger girl? Desiring to have her legs or her butt and her face with no wrinkles, her ability to still wear a bikini especially when I couldn’t even do that at 20!!!!
So now I disconnect. Now I take all the plastic people I “follow” on social media out of my daily life because not only are they not the least bit important, they are completely toxic. Seeking to be someone other than who Creator God made me is kind of really sinful and wrong. I’m pretty much telling God that He messed up in designing me and all of the people before me that my ultimate genetic make up was built upon. That’s probably not a very good position of judgement I should want to one day be in me thinks.
So thank you Louis CK. Thank your for igniting an idea, even though it’s one that’s completely off base and jaded as hell. It really brought a reality I desperately needed to see.