My amazing friend sent me this link to this blog post this morning and asked me what I thought about it.(Go read it. Seriously)
If I didn’t have an entire day that I needed to be a functioning adult I imagine I would be on my knees, face to the ground sobbing in gratitude and praise to Jesus for His mercy and grace that until a few years ago, I never truly knew.
People I know get really pissed when I say things like that, that ‘I never really knew Jesus or that I wasn’t ever taught that” and things of that nature, it’s very offensive and I get a lot of shit for it. It ends up bringing up a lot of resentment from them and I realize I cant speak of these things to them, that these are conversations I should have with other reformers I guess. Because it wasn’t until we joined the Reformed Church of America that we were presented the Gospel in such a way neither myself OR my husband had EVER heard it before.
I’m not sure WHY that offends people either.
It’s true. And whether they were the ones who raised us in the knowledge of
God sending His son Jesus to die on the cross for our sins and we have to obey Him and live like this and don’t do that and if you do do that you are going to hell. And if you are doing that and the Rapture happens you are going to be left behind. And don’t have sex before marriage because it’s a sin and you will go to hell if you are having sex and the rapture happens so just don’t do it.
After reading that blog my mind went a thousand directions and I couldn’t help but wonder what in the hell happened to the Christians before my parents that was so awful that they were able to read the Bible in such a way that they were able to create this entire doctrine that was so abrasive. It would either scare the HELL out of believers to the point that they were afraid of EVERYTHING and they would then in turn pass the legalistic doctrine on to their children and teach them to live a life in complete fear of the wrath of God they would face if they didn’t do this and live like that…
OR on the flip side, and how I reacted to that doctrine was to live in complete rebellion because there was NO way I was going to ever be able to live up to the standards set before me anyway and so it didn’t matter. (even though I felt guilt and condemnation of the Holy Spirit with every bad decision I made once I was in church on Sunday being preached at about the wages of sin is DEATH and I was certainly going to die outside the will of God).
Why did ANYONE think this doctrine was sound?!?!?! Why did anyone think that beating your children or your congregation down to submission and not even true repentance because lets face it, after going up front on Sunday and having someone lay hands on you and pray for you for being such a piece of crap of a sinner, that condemnation doesn’t really ever bring you to a place of true repentance where you desire to not live like that, because you are never really brought to an understanding of Gods grace. You are only made aware of how awful you are and now you are up in front of the entire congregation admitting to your faults feeling even more shameful .How is THAT teaching ANYONE who Jesus REALLY is and what Jesus REALLY did and why He REALLY did it?
So don’t get pissed at me for being so filled with the Holy Spirit because I FINALLY have been brought to an understanding of who Jesus is and why out of His absolute love and admiration for us He took all of our dirty rotten sins to the cross and died for us. Now I understand that deep deep love and in turn desire to live a life to honor Him, not because even though I am a believer, if I don’t live for Him I’m going to burn in hell but because He is so amazing and loves me so much and wants the best for me and wants me to be a reflection of Him I want to be the best version of myself to honor Him in my life. Not out of guilt and shame but out of love and grace, the same love and grace that is extended to me. I cant even imagine had I the understanding of the merciful, loving, compassionate, understanding, human Jesus that tenderly brings me to Himself because He loves me how different would my life be from only having an understanding of the vengeful judgmental sacrificial lamb Jesus who was murdered so I should be obedient?
I cant change my past. I cant change any of it. But I can move forward and I can change the future of my family now and teach my son and daughters to not live in fear of Gods wrath but live in gratitude because of His love for them. There is a lot that can be reversed and I am so thankful for the people God has brought into my life that have delivered the Truth in such a way it forever changes us misfits who have been lost in a world of condemnation with no hope of ever being able to satisfy God. I am so thankful to truly understand that Jesus was the only one who actually could and that the burden isn’t on me anymore. I feel like a seraphim just burnt my eyes, mind, and heart with a refining fire and I can just run with peace and share this truth with my generations to come.